Welcome Home!

I made it through boot camp, combat training and MOS school (twice).  Now I know what the corps is all about and I want out.  They are going to send me overseas and they want to me to die?  I'm not doing it- Not for George W. Bush.  No way.  Send me the hell home.  I drink, fight, show up late, never show, get thrown in jail, disrespect everything and everyone around me.  They put me on restriction and took all of my personal belongings.  "You may only have Marine Corps paraphernalia."  Oohrah!   I continued with my shenanigans and they finally said "GET THE FUCK OUT!"  And so I went.

It's October 30, 2003.  I take the bus from Meridian, MS to Washington DC.  What am I going to do now?  I am home and a civilian again.  One of my friends calls me to come over for a Welcome Home Party.  In honor of having no honor, I graciously accept the invitation.  The party is pretty boring.  Everyone is wondering what the hell I'm doing back.  I make up some sad story so I didn't seem like such a douche bag.  People see right through my bullshit but I pretend they don't.  I don't need to feel any worse than I already do - I am an enormous pussy for abandoning my comrades.  Hey, but I get to live, right?!

After rearranging a neighborhood HOA sign to read something heinous and offensive we come back inside to plan our next covert op.  I walk downstairs to round up some more warriors.  I turn left off the staircase and see a black dog sitting on the floor, wagging its tail as if waiting anxiously for his treat.  I take a couple steps toward the dog and realize that I'm walking straight into a porn flick.  No, there was no television in the room.  The walls and carpet are white and the lights are bright as hell. 
I'm squinting my eyes just to make out what exactly is happening here.  There are two guys next to the bed.  One guy is rubbing himself through his jeåns.  The other guy is taking notes like he's going to be tested when this is all over.  All three of them are glued to the live action.  I'm trying to figure out who the chick is that's under this mess of a man.  HOLY SHIT!  It can't be - oh it is!  I fucking hate this cunt.  It didn't matter at that moment.  I had to get her out.  I tried.  She was completely inebriated.  She didn't mind at all if she had spectators.  I turned around and walked back up the steps giddy with gossip.  Welcome home to me.